Annotated Bibliography

Alberti, Robert E. and Michael L. Emmons.  Your Perfect Right.  San Luis Obispo, CA:  Impact Publishers, 1982.  Assertiveness.


Augsburger, David.  Caring Enough to Confront.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books, 1982.  Excellent for dealing with problems rather than avoiding them.


Augsburger, David.  Caring Enough to Forgive; Caring Enough to Not Forgive.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books, 1981.  Excellent balanced approach to forgiveness.


Augsburger, David.  When Caring in Not Enough.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books, 1984.  Good basic information.


Augsburger, David.  Caring Enough to Hear.  Ventura, CA:  GL Publications, 1982.  Excellent look at communications emphasizing both aspects:  listening andspeaking.


Backus, William.  Telling Yourself the Truth.  Minneapolis, MN:  Bethany House, 1980.  Helps persons face hard truths in life with hope.


Baer, Jean.  How to Be an Assertive (Not Aggressive) Woman in Life, Love, and on the Job:  A Total Guide to Self-Assertiveness.  New York, NY:  Rawson Associates Publishers, 1976.  Assertiveness.


Beattie, Melody.  Codependent No More.  New York:  Harper & Row, 1987.  Excellent book on the over-responsibility many learned while growing up.


Bete Books, Channing L. Bete Co., Scriptographic Books on marriage, alcoholism, co-dependency, etc.  Quick, easy references on a variety of topics.


Bloomfield, Harold H.  Making Peace with Your Parents.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1983.  An attempt to help grown children reconcile with their parents.


Bower, Sharon and Gordon Zauer.  Asserting Yourself:  A Practical Guide for Positive Action.  Reading, MA:  Addison-Wesley, 1976.  Assertiveness.


Brady, Loretta, and John Powell.  Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?  Allen, TX:  Tabor Publishing, 1985.  Excellent book on communications and basic respect and dignity.


Bradshaw, John. The Family:  A Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery. Pompano Beach, FL:  Health Communications, Inc., 1998. For childhood issues.


Brandt,David.  Is That All There Is?  Grand Rapids, MI:  Fleming H. Revell,2000. Expectations.


Bray, James H. and John Kelly.  Stepfamlies.  New York:  Broadway Books, 11998. Excellent treatment of the pitfalls of and solutions for stepfamilies.


Brothers, Joyce.  What Every Woman Should Know About Men.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1981.  Deals with gender differences.


Bry, Adelaide.  How to Get Angry Without Feeling Guilty.  New York, NY:  Signet, 1976.  An analysis of anger and how to handle it constructively.


Carroll, Anne Kristin.  Together Forever.  Grand Rapids, MI:  Zondervan Publishing House, 1972. Autobiography of a woman who “saved” her marriage.


Cedar, Paul A.  7 Keys to Maximum Communication.  Wheaton, IL:  Tyndale House, 1980.  Communication skills.


Chapman, Gary.  Hope for the Separated.  Chicago, MA:  Moody Press, 1977.  Helpful guide to couples who are separated but would like to open communications and perhaps reconcile.


Chapman, Gary D.  The Five Love Languages. Chicago:  Northfield Pub, 1995. Excellent book for understanding you and your spouse better.  (There is also a men’s edition.)


Cherry, Debbie L.  Childproofing Your Marriage.  Colorado Springs, CO:  Navpress, 2003. Helping couples balance the marriage and children.


Clark, Jean Illsley.  Growing Up Again:  Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children.  Center City: Hazelden, 1989. A classic and powerful book about how to overcome negatives from our past.


Cloud, Henry and John Townsend.  Boundaries in Marriage.  Grand Rapids, MI:  Zondervan, 1999.  Excellent book for understanding “the right to space and privacy.”


Coleman, Joshua.  Imperfect Harmony: How to Stay Married for the Sake of Your Children and Still Be Happy. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2003. Helpful for struggling couples dealing with difficult realities.


Conway, Sally.  Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis.  Elgin, IL:  David C. Cook Publishing Co., 1987.  The husband at midlife.


Covey,Stephen R.  The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:  Restoring the Character Ethic. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989. Great book for people who are trying to be more responsible.


Dobson, James C.  Love Must Be Tough.  Waco, TX:  Focus on the Family Publishing, 1983.  Excellent book strongly recommended for those “left behind” in separation or affairs.


Dobson, James C.  Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives.  Waco, TX:  Proven Word, 1984.  Understanding gender differences.


De Angelis, Barbara.  How to Make Love All the Time.  New York, NY:   Dell Publishers, 1988.  Excellent book on communications as a pre-requisite to the bedroom.  Also sex information.


Durkin, Mary G.  Making Your Family Work.  Chicago, IL:  Thomas More Press, 1988.  Family guidelines.


Dyer, Wayne W.  Pulling Your Own Strings.  New York, NY:  Funk & Wagnall, Thomas Y. Crowell Co., 1978.   Assertiveness.


Ellis, Albert and Robert A. Harper.  A New Guide to Rational Living.  Hollywood, CA:  Wilshire Book Company, 1975.  Helps persons think more clearly about their circumstances.


Emmons, Michael.  The Assertive Christian.  Minneapolis, MN:  Winston Press, Inc., 1981.  Assertiveness.


Fensterheim, Herbert and Jean Baer.  Don’t Say Yes When Your Want to Say No.  New York, NY:  McKay, 1975.  Assertiveness.


Field, David.  Marriage Personalities.  Eugene, OR:  Harvest House Publishers, 1986.  Discusses roles and patterns in marriage.


Fisher, Roger.  Getting to Yes.  New York, NY:  Viking-Penguin Books, 1983.  Excellent book on negotiating and compromise.


Frank, Don and Jan Frank.  Unclaimed Baggage.  Colorado Springs, CO: Navpress, 2003.  Childhood issues.


Galassi, Merna Dee and John P. Galassi.  Assert Yourself:  How to be Your Own Person.  New York:  Human Sciences Press, 1977.  Assertiveness.


Ghezzi, Bert.  The Angry Christian.  Ann Arbor, MI: Servant Books, 1980.  Attempts to develop a Christian view of anger.


Glass, Shirley and Jean Cappock Stacheli.  NOT ”Just Friends”. New York:  Free Press, 2003. the most complete book on affairs, both prevention and recovery.


Gottman, John M.and Nan Silver.  Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How You Can Make Yours Last.  New York:  Simon and Schuster, 1995. Based on excellent research and focusing on respect


Gonolf, Edward W. and David M. Russell.  Man to Man: A guide for Men in Abusive Relationships. Bradenton, FL: Human Services Institute Inc., 1987.  Excellent small book for men who want to understand and change their abusiveness.



Gray, John.  Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. New York: Harper Collins,1992. Stereotypical but still rings true to many of our couples.


Harley, Willard F.  His Needs,Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.Grand Rapids, MI:  Fleming H.  Revell, 2000.  A re-issued classic full of wisdom and common sense. (Not really about affairs.)


Harley, Willard and Jennifer Harley Chalmers. Surviving an Affair.Excellent, balanced advice for couples facing an affair.


Harris, Thomas A.  I’m OK, You’re OK.  New York, NY:  Harper & Row, 1969.  Popular transactional analysis book.  Very good insights for relationships.


Hendrix, Harville.  Getting the Love Your Want.  New York:  Henry Holt & Company, 1988.  Excellent and innovative book on dealing with the impact of childhood on marriage.  Part I is rather scholarly; Part II contains some wonderful exercises.


International Marriage Encounter, Inc.  “The Challenge of Understanding Yourself:  Searching for the Real You.”  St. Paul, MN:  International Marriage Encounter, Inc., 1986.  Helpful material on childhood’s impact on adulthood.


Jabubowski, Patricia and Arthur J. Lange.  The Assertive Option:  Your Rights and Responsibilities.  Champaign, IL:  Research Press, 1978.  Assertiveness.


Jenkins, N.H,; S.M Stanley; W.C. Bailey, H.J. Markman.  You Paid How Much For That? How to Win at Money without Losing at Love.  Colorado Springs, CO:  Cook Communications, 2004.  Money.


Jourard, Sidney M.  “Marriage is For Life,” Journal of Marriage and Family Counseling, July 1975.  Insightful look at communication in marriage.


Kiley, Dan.  What to Do If He Won’t Change: Getting What You Need from the Man You Love. New York:  Fawcett Crest, 1988. Teaches wives how to change themselves to help their marriage.


Knuckey, Deborah.  Conscious Spending for Couples:  Seven Skills for Financial Harmony.  New York: Wilson,2002. Money.


Kroeger, Otto and Janet M. Thuesen.  Sixteen Ways to Love Your Lover.  New York:  Delcorte Press, 1994.   Using the 16 Myers Briggs type combinations the authors suggest strategies for dealing with couple differences.


Lasswell, Marcia and Norman M. Lobsenz.  No-Fault Marriage.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1976.  Very good, common sense, down-to-earth approach  to many marital difficulties.



Littauer, Florence.  Blow Away the Black Clouds.  Eugene, OR:  Harvest House Publishers, 1979.  Depression.


Lerner, Harriet Goldhor.  The Dance of Anger.  New York:  Harper & Row Publishers, 1985.  Excellent book on anger and also communications.


Lerner, Harriet Godhor.  The Dance of Connection:  How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate.  New York:  Quill, 2002. Difficult communication.


Levinson, Daniel J.  The Seasons of a Man’s Life.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1978.  Insights into men at various ages.


Linn, Dennis and Matthew.  Healing Life’s Hurts.  New York, NY:  Paulist Press, 1978.  Forgiveness.


Markman, Howard; Scott Stanley and Susan L. Blumberg.  Fighting for Your Marriage:  Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love. San Francisco:  Jossey-Bass, 2001.

Good basic skills, based on solid research.


Mayhall, Jack and Carole Mayhall.  Opposites Attack:  Turning Your Differences into Opportunities. Colorado Springs, Co:  Navpress 1990. Personality.


Mc Graw, Phillip. Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters. New York:  Hyperion Books, 19999. Responsibility.


Mc Graw, Phillip.  Relationship Rescue:  A Seven Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner.  Thorndike, ME:  G. K. Hall, 2000. Commonsense, self-inventory book for improving your relationship.

Medred, Diane.  The Case Against Divorce.  New York:  Donald I. Fine, Inc., 1989.  Impressive collection of research on the fact that divorce is not a quick and easy solution to marital problems.


Nelson, James B.  The Intimate Connection.  Philadelphia, PA:  The Westminster Press, 1988.  A look at a person’s ability to trust and be intimate based on childhood factors.


Nolen, William A.  Crisis Time!  New York: Dod, Mead, & Company, 1984.  Men at midlife.


Norwood, Robin.  Women Who Love Too Much.  New York, NY:  Pocket Books, 1986.  Excellent book for women (and men) who are co-dependent, battered, used, abused.


Palmer, Helen.  The Enneagram:  Understanding Yourself and The Others in Your Life.  San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1991.  Personality.



Paul, Jordan and Margaret.  Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved By You?  Minneapolis, MN:  Compcare Publishers, 1983.  Excellent discussion of self-esteem and power struggle issues in marriage.


Petersen, J. Allan.  The Myth of the Greener Grass.  Wheaton, IL:  Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1983.  Very helpful book especially for those suffering from (or contemplating) affairs.


Pittman, Frank.  Grow Up!  How Taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult. New York:  St. Martin’s Griffin, 1999. Responsibility.


Pittman, Frank.  Private Lies.  New York:  W.M. Norton & Company, 1989.  It is the deception even more than the sexual encounter that makes affairs so devastating, so says Pittman.


Power, Thomas A.  A Family Matters.  Meredith, NH:  Hathaway Press, 1989.  A layman’s guide to the family systems model.


Riso, Don Richard.  Understanding the Enneagram:  The Practical Guide to Personality Types. Boston:  Houghton Mifflin Company, 1990. Personality.


Rogers, Carl R.  Becoming Partners.  La Jolla, CA:  Delta Books, 1972.  Results of research into the main components of a healthy marriage/relationship.


Smalley, Gary and John Trent.  The Gift of Honor.  Nashville, TN:  Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1982.  Discusses the impact of fathers on their grown children and what to do about painful father relationships.


Smalley, Gary.  The Key to Your Child’s Heart.  Waco, TX:  Word Books, 1984.  Communication and forgiveness techniques which are good not only with children but with spouses as well.


Smalley, Gary and John Trent.  The Language of Love.  Pomana, CA:  Focus on the Family, 1988. Use of word pictures as a communication tool.


Smith, Manuel.  When I Say No I Feel Guilty.  New York, NY:  Dial Press, 1975.  Excellent book with many insights into assertiveness.


Stanley, Scott.  The Power of Commitment.  San Francisco: Jossey- Bass, 2005. Insightful, well-documented look at the value of commitment.


Svets, Paul W.  The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen.  Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey:  Prentice-Hall, 1983. Communication.


Tally, Jim.  Reconcilable Differences.  Nashville, TN:  Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1982.  Excellent book for any couple who might want to “try again.”



Tannen, Deborah.  You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation.  New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1990. Communication.


Tavris, Carol.  Anger.  New York:  Simon & Schuster, Inc., 1982.  In-depth look at anger and its many facets.


Viscott, David.  How to Live With Another Person.  New York, NY:  Pocket Books, 1974.  Gentle look at marriage/relationships.


Viscott, David.  Risking.  New York, NY:  Simon & Schuster, 1977.  Very helpful analysis of why, when, and how to risk/trust.


Wallerstein, Judith; Julia Lewis and Sandra Blakeslee.  The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study. New York: Hyperion, 2001.  Compelling evidence for the negative effects of divorce on children.


Weiner-Davis, Michele.  The Sex-Starved Marriage. London:  Simon and Schuster, 2004. Commonsense sex advice.


Wheat, Ed.  How to Save Your Marriage Alone.  Grand Rapids, MI:  Zondervan Publishing House, 1983.  Small book with advice for the separated.


Williams, Pat and Jill.  Rekindled.  Old Tappan, NJ:  Revell Publishing, 1985.  Autobiographical story of one couple’s triumph over marital difficulties.


Woititz, Janet Geringer.   Adult Children of Alcoholics. Popano Beach, FL: 1983. Excellent book for adult children of alcoholic parents.


Woititz, Janet G.  Struggle for Intimacy.  Deerfield Beach, FL:  Health Communications, Inc., 1985.  A look at the issues of trust, intimacy, and communication, particularly from the perspective of those from dysfunctional homes.


Wright, H. Norman.  Making Peace With Your Partner.  Dallas, TX:  Word Publishing, 1971.  Layman suggestions on improving communication and relations with partner.